(Most of these could apply to other dogs too. If they’re half as ill behaved (or well behaved) as Alfestien)
1. He’ll enter the room when you’re eating and thoroughly sniff your food.
2. If you’re lucky, he’ll even bless you with some fur in your food.
3. He’ll growl at you when you ask him to move from your side of the bed.
4. He will jump at you with dirty paws, irrespective of the fact that you’re wearing a white shirt.
5. He’ll walk over your iPod and your laptop.. which is not harmful for your device. At all.
6. He’ll give you a slip disk when you’re walking him.. but what are doctors for?
7. He’ll eat more than a monster and break more than things than a raccoon but your parents will love him more than they love you.
8. He’ll make sure you have sour relationships with all your neighbours by fighting with their dogs and forcing you to go and complain to them.
9. He’ll make sure you have sour relationships with your entire city by pooping in front of their houses.
10. He’ll make sure that no one can walk around a radius of 10 km from his food bowl by dripping water and pedigree all over.
11. He’ll sit on your bed sheets and quilts and stink them up.
12. He’ll tear up your books and you’ll have to study off sheets of paper for the rest of the year.
13. His benign presence ensures that some of your relatives never visit you.
14. He never brushes his teeth. Enough said.
15. His constant whining and howling ensures that dinner is a pleasant experience for all.
16. He’ll wake you up at 8 am on a Saturday and ask you to take him for a walk. Yea right, Alf.
17. He’ll drink all the milk in the house. So much for a healthy living.
18. He won’t listen to your instructions in front of guests and make you look like a complete loser who has no control over his dog.
19. He loves chewing on plastic. Bye bye, expensive earphones!
20. He’ll start barking at 3 am because a leaf moved 10 cms .. however, when bikers come and snatch a phone from my hand, he prefers to mark his territory.
21. During tick season, you see a tick on your bed. Heaven on Earth.
22. He’ll sit on the remotes and the TV channels itself. Good luck explaining the FTV to your parents, Tushar.
:) bitch!
ReplyDeleteWriting satire is an art. You are way good at it.
It comes a little to naturally to me.
ReplyDelete