The Dog Cribs : Approaching Summers- Life is going to suck.

I’ve been panting at a higher rate than inflation is increasing these days. Will someone take off my coat already?! It’s just march and it’s so warm. Had I a choice to kill one person and not get into trouble, it would have to be Global warming.  If you want to contact me in May or June, I’ll be in Antarctica. Anyone willing to come with me?

Summers are not just irritating because of the heat. They are irritating because my owner’s kids get their summer vacations. 60 days with those nasty children are worse than being a teenage drama queen’s pocket dog (I’m not naming any breeds in general, but you know what I mean!). Well, these 2 months aren’t exactly disastrous, I do get to be in the A/C for most part of the day but those kids and their crayons and their toys (well, I chew the toys) and their screeching voices (Mummy!! Mummy!! Papa!! Papa!!) and their running everywhere and their riding me (what do they think I am? If you want to ride something, get a horse.) really irritates the shit out of me.

No matter what season it is, I get 2 eggs twice a day. When it’s 40 C outside and 1500 C inside my body, the extra heat from the eggs is obviously going to get transferred into people’s bodies when I dig my teeth into their sweaty legs. Do you get it, owners? Change my diet when the weather changes. I’m a strong believer of the fact that one should consume loads of fruits and drink at least a gallon of water a day (Don’t worry. Bring on the meat in December!) to subside your cruel intentions.

Exercise is another thing that puts me in a dilemma in summers. If I go for a walk, I get all tired and cranky. If I don’t go and stay at home, lie on the bed and get my stomach rubbed by my owners, I get kind of restless. Maybe getting myself enrolled to a gym would help. Walking on a strange moving belt in an air conditioned room and checking out bitches who’re (try removing the ‘ and see what you get) roaming around looking for food on the streets – Purrfect.

I dread having a bath. But summers make it impossible for me to stay without bathing for a month. My abhorrence with bathing relates back to the time when I was young and fond of bathing and my girlfriend showed up when I was having a bath. For those of you who don’t know – I look like a rat when I have a bath. A blow-dried rat. And then there was laughing, and telling friends, and more laughing, and more telling friends.

I wish there were no summers. Just lovely autumns and cold winters.

Tushar K. Aggarwal